Finite Time, Infinite Curiosity: A Race Against the Bottom of the Jar

By Ramanuj On 11 Jan 2026

Time is an weird commodity! Sometimes, upon realizing the opportunities that lie ahead in life, i really wish i had time. There are many things to explore in life. Be it programming, philosophy, synthetic biology, inter species communication or ageing. Heck even history or math interests me. But unfortunately school is a thing, the day is only 24 hours and I probably will not live forever.

Death too is an weird one. Being an atheist, it seems to be nothing more than an never ending sleep to me. Yet, it frightens me. I know I am not 90, but I feel the pain; I can sense it coming. Imagine being sunk in water: your breath ceasing; screaming for help, but no one is coming. In the whirlpool of water, you float up, and sink down. Calls are met with no answers. Everyone can see your condition. But they only stare upon you expressing their inability to help. People are there, but they can only stare. They can't help, for they are unable. They don't have the means --- This is what frustrates me about death; this is the picture that comes up in mind --- It's horrifying, and I really don't want this to happen to me. Even after knowing it's inevitability, and normality it frightens me. It makes me wonder, "Why am I here? Why was I born? Was I born just to endure the pain of death?".

Even after being aware of what little time I have left, and what I can do, sometimes we must ask: Can I really do those? Programming is an easy one --- yes, I can pull it off. But, I will most likely not be able to go to elite universities because of my academics. Which further lessens my chances of going into FANG, because campus recruitment vanishes. Same goes for all the research focused fields: Inter Species Communication, Ageing. You NEED a top university for those --- access to top labs is required to succeed in research --- at least, I have been told so. So what does that leave us with? Philosophy, Math, History. Those are rather boring subjects though. It's hard to secure a job if ones goes to the realms of philosophy, and it's expensive --- at least that's what I am aware of.

Sometimes, when I really think of this, I wish I could have a Ph.D in everything. The realms of the university seem the best place one could possibly be at to me. I wish I could spend what? 150 years there at the very least. Knowledge hunts me. It lures me. It puts me in a chase, and all I want is It. But to gain it, one requires time. It isn't quite possible to flip a book, and instantly get it in your head. I just wish I had some more time --- time to wander into existential crises; time to think; time to create.

There is also school, which takes up most of my day. The homework never ends. Eventually exams creep in, and then everything goes haywire. Our educational system is messed up, and we all know it. It's just the ministers are too busy fixing obscure non-existent problems, that all the real problems get ignored. To be honest, we really can't do much about those fools --- maybe we can, who knows. Anyways, I will end this by quoting seneca --- we shouldn't use philosopher's quotes to win internet arguments, but who cares!

A person is not poor, I think, as long as what little he has left is enough for him. Still, I prefer that you, for your part, conserve what you have. And make an early start. For in the words of our ancestors, “Thrift comes late whens stocks are low.” Not only is there very little left at the bottom of the jar, but its quality is the worst.

References:

Quote: Book One, Letter one, Letter's on Ethics: To Lucilius (The complete works of Lucilius Annaeus Seneca), Oxford University Press